Navigating Sensory Issues During the Holidays
Guest Post from Dr. Sam Goldman
Do you remember when you were a child and the holidays felt like magic? I do. Between presents, hot cocoa, and snowy days, the holidays were filled with laughter and cheer. And if you’re like me, you want nothing more than to recreate that for your family.
But what if…those magical moments you’ve trying to create, don’t bring that same incredible feeling to your child? What if they instead cause meltdowns and sensory overload?
If you’re the parent of a sensational child, you probably know the feeling.
Before we dive in, let me introduce myself! Hi 👋, My name is Samantha Goldman, and I’m a pediatric occupational therapist who specializes in providing education to help parents, adults, and rehab professionals finally understand the sensory system, and how to help the senses feel their best.
And a conversation I’ve been having a lot recently is how to navigate sensory issues during the holidays. So today, I thought I’d share my favorite tips for helping preserve that holiday magic for children with sensory processing challenges.
The first thing you need to know is WHY the holidays may be challenging for sensational children.
When a child struggles with sensory processing, there’s a mismatch between the sensory needs of their body and the world we live in. As a neurodiversity affirming therapist, it’s important for me to point out that I don’t believe that a child’s “issues” are the problem. We all have specific sensory preferences and sensory quirks. Where the problem comes in is when the world we live in can’t exactly meet those needs.
But this can cause challenges with even the most routine tasks - like getting dressed, eating, school, and more.
And while it feels like the holidays should make that easier, because they’re fun…it’s often the opposite!
Here are a couple reasons why the holidays may be so challenging:
Kids with sensory challenges thrive on predictability and routine: Knowing exactly what is going to happen during the day helps children plan for sensory changes, and prepare their body. During the holidays, our routines are all out of whack. And these fun experiences you planned often contain totally new and unpredictable sensory input, which their brain wasn’t prepared to handle.
There’s A LOT of sensory input during the holidays: Not only is the input unpredictable, but there’s a lot of it. Between lights, crowds, and new textures (like cold snow), the fun holiday event we attend can easily become overwhelming - even for those of us without sensory challenges! I like to say that we all have a sensory thermometer, and when we get too much sensory input, our body gets too hot and overstimulated. And when it gets too full, that’s where the pop and sensory meltdowns happens. All of this extra input can quickly fill your child’s sensory thermometer!
There’s a lot of expectation and demand: When it comes to the holidays, there are a lot of expectations. We expect kids to take super cute holiday photos…behave a certain way at dinner...eat totally different food…hug unfamiliar relatives…that’s a lot of pressure. As we mentioned above, these seemingly “easy” moments (newsflash - they’re not easy, even for children without sensory challenges) can actually be challenging for children with sensory needs. And the sensory system does not like to be forced. So when we push them to do things that don't feel good for their body, it can quickly lead to overwhelm, stress, and meltdowns.
Ok, so now that we’ve covered why the holidays can be challenging, HOW can we make them go a bit smoother?
Know your child’s sensory needs: In my opinion, one of the best things you can do to help both your everyday and your holidays go smoother is to really learn your child’s body and sensory system. You need to know what makes them tick. What parts of the holidays are truly challenging for them? Is it hugging Aunt Carol? Wearing scratchy clothing? Large and loud crowds?
Learn their signs of dysregulation, so you know what to look for at the event. Once you truly understand what’s happening in their mind and body, you can be better prepared to help them navigate these challenges.
Choose wisely: Every day is an intricate balancing act of that sensory thermometer. As much as we would like to, we often can’t have it all. Just like us, kids have their breaking point, and when we push that thermometer too far, that’s when the sensory meltdowns can hit.
It’s important to take a step back and figure out what is really important to you - and if your child can truly handle the demands you’re placing on them. For example, if your child has a hard time with eating new foods - is it really that important for them to try Aunt Carol’s casserole? Is that more important to you, or is being able to open presents with the family the priority? Is it even realistic to expect them to take a bite of that casserole?Consider how you can simplify, or modify parts of the holiday: Are there ways that you can modify the experience to make it more enjoyable for your child? For example, many children become overstimulated when presented with a whole table of gifts to open, especially when all eyes are on them. Perhaps you can open one gift that night, and bring the rest home to open over the next couple days. Or instead of a really scratchy dress, maybe there’s a soft version you can find that they’re able to happily wear? Or instead of forcing them to sit and talk to adults, maybe you can bring along a holiday activity they can do with family members that shifts the focus from them to the activity.
Be prepared for family comments: We’re not the only ones who have expectations during the holidays…your family does too. And it can feel really defeating when they’re constantly commenting on your parenting, or your child’s behavior. Here’s the cool thing though - they’re NOT the parent, YOU ARE. And you decide what works for your family. The sensory system needs to feel safe, and as the parent you are the one who knows your child best. Don’t let other people pressure you, or make you feel like you’re not doing good enough. It’s tough to feel like you’re letting family down, but your child feeling safe comes first.
Come into the holiday prepped with a couple responses you can give, when someone undoubtedly offers unsolicited advice. My personal favorite? “Thank you so much for your concern, we’ve done our research, and _______ (this) is what we’ve decided.” I also love truly educating families on sensory processing challenges. It’s easy to judge when you don’t understand what’s going on. Taking the time to truly educate your family can make all the difference.Build your sensory toolbox: Sometimes, no matter how hard you try or prepare, your child may become dysregulated. Again, the holidays are inherently dysregulating. But this is where your sensory toolbox comes in. I love to have 5-6 strategies planned before an event that I can use that I KNOW helps this child re-regulate or stay regulated. For example, maybe they really benefit from going outside to play for a bit, or sitting with play-doh, or having a safe food at the dinner table. We want to pull out these strategies BEFORE the meltdown, when we notice a child is starting to come a bit dysregulated, that’s when they’ll work the best. And taking those couple minutes to help them re-regulate, may help you avoid the meltdown completely!
Prior to the event, I also like to focus on regulating the body. What does your child really enjoy doing, that helps their body feel good? Provide extra opportunities for that earlier in the day, so they’re body has gotten the sensory input they desperately need.
Most of all, remember you’re not alone. The holidays can be challenging as a parent of a child with sensory challenges, and it can often feel like you’re the only one going through this. Social media is a highlight reel, and I’ve talked to SO many parents who’ve told me they feel like a fraud because they’re posting adorable pictures, when their child is having meltdowns only 1-2 minutes later. First, you are not the only one going through this. Second, you’re not a fraud or a failure. Celebrate those little moments and those little wins, because that’s what propels you forward. This sensory journey has lots of ups and downs, and those little moments are the absolute best!
And if you need help with sensory issues, I’m here for you! Come over and join me on Instagram (@DrSamGoldman) or my website www.drsamgoldman.com! Sensory processing doesn’t need to be the great unknown, and knowledge is power. I’d love to help you get to know the ins-and-outs of the sensory system, so you can begin to make life a bit less chaotic and a lot more fun.
Happy holidays!
Sam
About Sam: Dr. Samantha Goldman is a pediatric occupational & feeding therapist whose mission is to provide online education to help parents, adults, & therapists finally understand the sensory system & how to help the senses feel their best, so you can make life a bit less chaotic and a lot more fun. You can get started learning immediately with Samantha over on her free podcast or check out her website www.drsamgoldman.com.
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