Myth Busting: 4 myths about back to school for kids who struggle
Guest Post from Scotti Weintraub, founder of Reframe Parenting
The new school year is firmly upon us! That may mean excitement & anticipation, or even dread of the long grind that’s ahead. For kids who have struggled at school in the past, it’s probably a return to those challenges too. I talk about school stuff all the time so it’s no surprise that I have some strong opinions about back-to-school as well. But I hear so many mis-truths and misconceptions, especially at the beginning of the year, that it’s past time to bust some myths about back-to-school.
4 myths about back to school for kids struggling with school:
Parents should keep their distance and let their kids figure it out themselves. This strategy may work for some kids but not for kids who have differently wired brains or need extra support. It assumes a level of maturity and organization to keep up with assignments, know what’s expected of them, and then execute on that information. Not all kids are there yet and that’s OK. Just because they aren’t there yet, doesn’t mean they won’t get there eventually. It takes time and effort to get them there. That’s where parents need to step in! Being in the know about what your child is doing at school, communicating with teachers regularly, helping your child learn those organizing and task completion skills - those are key roles for parents to play. We expect too much of some kids when they aren’t yet ready. Why leave them high and dry without support when being involved, supporting their growth, and showing them you care about their success makes a huge difference for them.
Kids will have “grown out” of last year’s challenges. Wouldn’t it be amazing if the new school year were suddenly 100% better than the last one? That seems like wishful thinking, especially if your child has documented needs or a track record of having a hard time at school. If their brain works in a different way, then that’s not changing either. Could a different teacher with a different approach make a difference - of course! Could your child have gained some maturity over the summer - maybe a little. But last year isn’t that far in the rear view. Acknowledging that last year’s challenges may be this year’s challenges too gives you a place to start and a realistic look at what might be ahead.
Labels limit kids. Parents tell me all the time that they worry having a diagnosis or accessing certain supports will limit their child or put them in a box at school and in the world. Or they worry what other children will do or say to their child. These are valid concerns and I’ve felt it too. Giving a child a label - whether through a diagnosis or through the services they receive can be hard for parents to stomach. But let’s stop and think about this one a bit. The way your child shows up in the world with their quirks, strengths, challenges, and all doesn’t change because you have a diagnosis or use certain supports. They are who they are. And they experience the world through that lens too. Denying the reality of who they are and what their needs are doesn’t necessarily help them. It can do the opposite. In fact, parents often find their child is relieved or reassured to know how their brain works or what can help them be more successful. There’s validation in having information both for the kids themselves and for parents. You both know how best they can meet their own needs and succeed as their true selves and not someone they can never be.
Kids who struggle at school aren’t smart. This one really peeves me because it can become very internalized for students who see their own challenges as a false reflection of their intelligence. Grown ups sometimes reinforce that fallacy too which certainly doesn’t help kids with their self esteem. Just because a student has trouble with school - whether that’s in a certain subject, with sitting still, or with their behavior or any of the many other ways kids have a hard time at school - does not mean they lack intelligence. These are not correlated and honestly, our schools are not usually set up to embrace a wide variety of learning styles and needs. So it’s a losing battle for many kids who feel unsuccessful, get a lot of negative feedback, and then feel like they just can’t do the work. Has your child said to you, “I’m just not that smart!”? It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy of them giving up when things are challenging, or avoiding work when all they really need is some extra support to bring out their best.
This is only the tip of the myth iceberg! What other back to school myths have you seeing red? What other misconceptions does your child face when going back to school? Share your stories and I’ll add them to my list.
Not sure if you should step in or let it slide at school? Grab my handy FREESchool Struggle Checklist! Just answer 5 simple questions and gain much-needed clarity. As a bonus, you’ll get one easy action to take right now to make a positive difference.
