Everything Needs a Home

Has this ever happened to you? You’re rushing to get out the door when suddenly your child realizes that they can’t find their (insert important item here). Or you can’t find your (insert other important item here).

First of all, you might think to yourself, why does this always happen when I’m in a hurry?

Second of all, why is this so stressful?

And third of all, (not until much later, of course) what could I have done differently?

Ooh, I want to focus on this third question. It’s a good one. It means that your metacognition is kicking in. You’re thinking about your thinking. What could you have done differently to help in this situation? How can you prevent it from happening again (and again and again)?

Challenges in working memory and sustained focus make it very easy to put something down and then forget where we put it.

The solution to this problem is simple enough: Everything needs a home. Every single thing needs one predictable place where you can find it in a hurry. But is this easy? Nope. (We will get to that shortly.)

By “everything needs a home,” I mean everything.

Think of the kitchen. The kitchen has lots of homes for its various contents. Food goes in the pantry, the refrigerator or the freezer. Plates and bowls are often stacked on a shelf. Silverware even has its own special organizer. (I love the silverware organizer.) This strategy works!

Commonly misplaced items among my clients are things like phones, ear buds, keys and wallets (or, for a certain someone who lives in my house, sunglasses). These things need a home. Maybe it’s a basket or a bowl. Perhaps it’s a shelf or a hook.

And what about clothing? You need to know where to find the socks, the mittens, the hats, the jackets and the shoes. They, too, must have a home.

And the important papers? This is where a good filing system comes into play. That’s just a home for your papers. Every adult needs some kind of filing system for important papers. It doesn’t have to be a full filing cabinet, but adults need a place to keep adult things like birth certificates, tax documents, rental agreements and special receipts. If you’re a student, perhaps that home for important papers is a binder.*

As I mentioned, this is not easy. First, we have to find a home, but then we have to commit to putting items in their homes. See? Not so easy. So here are some tips to guide you:

·      When it comes to the things that you often misplace, the first thing to think about is where is the best place for you? Don’t get too caught up in shoulds. I should keep my keys by the door. I should keep my jacket on a hook. Find what works for you. One of my adult clients was forever misplacing his wallet. After spending some time brainstorming the best choice for him, he decided to try the bathroom as a home for his wallet. A little unconventional? Yes. But he thought it was the best place for him. In fact, he tried it in conjunction with the next tip.

·      Sarah Kesty, of the Executive Function Podcast, recommends using blue painters’ tape to mark a “parking spot” on the counter (or the desk or the dresser or the nightstand). The visual reminder of the tape can help trigger your metacognition – “Oh! That’s right. I’m going to put my wallet in this spot every time I come home.” You won’t have to keep the tape there forever, but it definitely helps at first.

·      It's possible that you need to acquire a home like a hook, a basket, a shelf or a container. But, then again, perhaps you don’t. Look around your home. I always recommend using things you already have.

·      Which brings us to the next important thing to remember: keep it in sight. For things that are very important, keep them in your face. Out of sight is truly out of mind for many brains with Executive Function challenges.

·      And finally, one last tip: This everything-needs-a-home rule might feel totally overwhelming. You might have many things that need a home. But just choose one. Choose one thing that is the most annoying to you. Brainstorm ideas for a new home. Then give it a try! Take it up a notch by enlisting your family members, roommates and friends to (ever so gently) tell you when it’s not in its home.

And, remember: We must be gentle with ourselves. Start small.

*Ask me about binders. I have lots of ideas!