Speak. Wait Quietly. Add More as Needed.

I first learned about the work of Linda K. Murphy from Ryan Wexelblatt, the ADHD Dude. He often talks about how helpful declarative language can be when working with students who struggle with Executive Function skills. I was intrigued immediately, but it took me a while to finally read her book, Declarative Language Handbook. (In fact, I read it twice!). Now it is a resource that I regularly share with parents and educators. This book is especially helpful if there’s a student in your life with diagnoses like Autism and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). But I truly think all parents and teachers would benefit from reading this short, informative book.

Murphy makes a clear distinction between imperative and declarative language.

Imperative language is very black and white. There is one right response. Here are some examples of imperative language:

            Get in line.

            Say hello to Grandma.

            Look at me.

            Put on your jacket.

These types of statements put demands on students to do or say something. And she argues that they can trigger the fight or flight response in some. Whether we intend the imperative statement to challenge the student or not, some brains perceive it this way.

So how can we lower the perceived threat and increase the warmth and connection with that student? Murphy argues that declarative language is the answer.

Declarative language is simply a statement or comment that conveys information, observations or facts without issuing a command or request. It naturally offers the student an opportunity to do some problem-solving themselves. It provides a sense of control for the student. And it can help them feel valued because they are involved in decision-making.

Here are alternatives to the above imperatives:

            I notice that it’s time for lunch. or The kids are lining up for lunch.

            Oh! Look! Grandma is here.

            I’m worried you might miss something if you don’t look.

            I see that your jacket is still on the hook.

The first step is the statement itself. But then we must pause. By doing so, we are allowing the student to notice us/our statement and make a choice. These types of statements, paired with a longer-than-you-would-like pause, allow a response that leads to self-advocacy. As Murphy says, “It creates a situation in which a child can feel empowered…rather than shamed by their vulnerabilities.”

If you’re interested in trying this technique before reading the book yourself, here are some verbs and phrases to try:

·      Think

·      Wonder

·      Remember

·      Hear

·      Forget

·      Know

·      Imagine

·      Decide

·      Wish

·      Notice

·      Maybe

·      Might

·      Possibly

·      Perhaps

·      Sometimes

·      I’m sure/not sure

And here are some ways to use them from the text:

·      I notice it’s starting to rain.

·      I think I smell pizza! I wonder if lunch is ready in the cafeteria.

·      I heard your friend say something.

·      Maybe we should check the time.

·      Sometimes it’s helpful to use a pencil instead of a pen.

As mentioned above, we must deliberately pause after these statements. Pausing (sometimes for up to 30 seconds) allows the student time to notice us, to notice the environment – and then make a choice. Silence is a necessary part of using declarative language. During that silence, the adult’s job is just to observe. If we notice that the student seems confused or didn’t actually hear us, then (and only then) we can add more information.

Parents and teachers sometimes ask: “Is it ever OK to use imperative language?” The answer is yes! Murphy argues that there are definitely some times when we can consider using imperative language: primarily for safety (Hold my hand.) and for setting limits (Please stop.).

There is a steep learning curve for adults who are learning to use declarative language with the students in their lives. In fact, I’m on this learning curve myself right now! So be gentle with yourself. Go slowly. Practice when you’re not in a hurry. But do I highly recommend that you give it a try.

Declarative Language Handbook is only about 100 pages, so it’s a quick read. And you’ll find many more examples and some troubleshooting tips in the book. You’ll also learn how to know if it’s working and what changes you can expect to see in your student.

If you’d like to purchase the book, here’s a link.

Perhaps your new mantra will become: Speak, wait quietly, add more as needed.

It seems like a good one.